What am i doing?

by Allison Broeren 

You all! What am I doing? 
This is a question I've been asking myself frequently the last month. 
At the heart of it, I'm trying to live my dream. Of starting a theater. Of providing a home to amazing artistic communities. Of having a stage of my own to share with people. Of having a theater dog that wears a tuxedo. Of having a space to make ideas into reality. Probably not of having a glitter cannon though, because Mike and Joe think that sounds messy. 

I'll admit. I was the nervous one when we announced that we were opening at HUGE's Anniversary Show. Did I want to tell people? Of course. But I also wanted to have every shiny permit and detail buttoned up so there was no room for error. The response we got that night humbling, as all the responses we've got since then. I've been moved to tears multiple times by people's offers to help in so many different ways. 

Since then people have been enthusiastic to perform, to sign up for classes, to be in the audience. People keep asking when our doors will be open. It seems surreal. It feels like it'll all work. I'm so excited to be working on those things. Those are things we're so good at. 

But people keep asking for an update on all the fun stuff. And it's coming. I promise. But right now if you are wondering where we are at, we're doing all the stuff that we aren't good at. Like figuring out permits and how to install a sink through cement, and if we need a crane, or can just roll an air conditioner around on the roof, or what price point barn doors come in, or taxes. Why, not matter what, is there always taxes? This stuff is the scary stuff. The stuff that makes us all nod our heads quietly at each other in meetings. The stuff that makes you think, "What am I doing?" 

So, what am I doing? Learning to meditate, for one. The Headspace app is saving me. I'm also writing fears down and putting them in the mouth of this little stuffed monster and zipping them away. They say it's supposed to help little kids let go of their fears. It can't hurt, right? 

What else am I doing? In those quiet moments, being so excited. For years I've tried to find the right words, the right community, the right circumstances to make something like this happen. As Strike was born, it all came together-really weirdly-but just perfectly. The partners, the partnerships, the place, all of it. I don't think it'll feel totally real to me until I'm sitting there watching our first show happen. And maybe that's just it. That's how it feels as your dreams are coming true-like you are dreaming.